We learned to choose our foods to determine the calibre of our artillery. Because, just as we discovered that lentils produce fragmented farts like confetti and cauliflower produces green and lethal machine-gun fire and broad beans white mold so, also, we learned that when we ate rotten cheeses we produced fatuous and rancid farts of heraldic blue; when we drank beer, we launched foaming farts with ultra-violet tendencies and when we lunched on pheasant (the rottener the better) we produced super-active farts which, like the great de Chéseaux comet, had several multicoloured tails which followed them faithfully through Norton's Star Atlas.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Effects of Diet
Fernando del Paso, Palinuro of Mexico, tr. Elisabeth Plaister (Normal: Dalkey Archive Press, 1996), p. 477: