A Prayer

Ruth Ozeki, A Tale for the Time Being (New York: Viking Penguin, 2013), pp. 166-167:

And talking about rules, the two of them had all these crazy routines they did for every different thing you can imagine, like washing their faces or brushing their teeth, or spitting out their toothpaste, or even going for a crap. I'm not kidding. They bowed and thanked the toilet and offered a prayer to save all beings. That one is kind of hilarious and goes like this:

As I go for a dump,
I pray with all beings
that we can remove all filth and destroy
the poisons of greed, anger, and foolishness.

At first I was like, No way am I saying that, but when you hang out with people who are always being supergrateful and appreciating things and saying thank you, in the end it kind of rubs off, and one day after I'd flushed, I turned to the toilet and said, "Thanks, toilet," and it felt pretty natural. I mean, it's the kind of things that's okay to do if you're in a temple on the side of a mountain, but you'd better not try it in your junior high school washroom, because if your classmates catch you bowing and thanking the toilet they'll try to drown you in it.

Hat tip: Mrs. Turdman.